I strongly agree with cadidates Douglas and Maxwell that the mafia has much to teach us aboutt running and effective organization, but we part ways when it comes to allowing "Hooters" on campus.
Adam Maxwell and Bryan Douglas
"It could be worse 2000 (The joke slate -- as if!)
Douglas and Maxwell endeavour, in the spirit of the perennial "joke slate", to subvert and ridicule the austerity (with out luxury) with which most run their campaigns. Unfortunately, Douglas and Maxwell's Platform - ostensibly (apperent, professed)sponsored by the "Mice of Y2K, in Association with the Italian Mafia" - is distressingly not funny! Allow me to demostrate this fact with a few less-than-carpicious(?) offerings from their platform, which they entitled "Our Litte Black Book":
- We will bring back the Jets
- UMSU will leave CASA and be putting money into nuclear weapons
- Pharmacy Students will be relocated to the local Shoppers Drug Mart.
NUFF SAID!!
Adam Maxwell and Bryan Douglas
Ostensibly sponsored by the "Mice of Y2K, in Association with the Italian Mafia." Maxwell and Douglas have reached the greatest levels of witlessness and inanity (foolish)ever beset upon the student elecorate by a so called UMSU joke slate. "There is four reasons for us running -- money, money, fun and money." They suggested at the outset of the campaigning. You might think that with their prodgious Mafia connections , these two could buy themselves a sense of humor or at least a new schtick. Honestly, Guys.
Election Grade @#*!!
Mice Finale:
Our Final thoughts on campaign Y2K
We would like to begin by saying Congrats to Steve and Collen and with them the best of luck in their second year in office.
I would like to state now that we were not a "Joke Slate." We were a "Comedy Slate." The reason we ran was to create a joke slate that was funny. We spent a year researching to make this as funny as possible.
The best example of this was from the article in March 1, Toban by Krishna Lalbihire:
"Maxwell and Douglas have reached the greatest levels of witlessness and insanity [ed: that was "inanity." (foolish) guys]
ever beset upon the student elecorate by a so called UMSU joke slate."
The election grade of @#*!! was the cherry on our campaign sundae. These comments were more of an honour then winning the election.
There is a long list of people that should be thanked. Scott, Brad, Dave, Steve, Rob, Keith, and Chris. They put in many hours of hard work.
At this time we want to extend a very special thanks to the CRO David Johnson and his posse of DRO'S who kept us in line.
We want to state that we never though that we would madeit this far. We though that David would blow up like a like a wall in University College. Thanks to David and his sense of humour we were able to spread our insanity [ed: really it was "inanity." (foolish) guys]across campus. To sum it all up we want to use this phrase that sums it up best: "Gee Brain what do you want to do tonight?"
Same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world Thanks for the laughs.
Election Posters.
Click on to see our posters from the 2000 UMSU Election:
The Mice of Y2K in association with the Italian Mafia. Give you It could be worse 2000. Recomended by 9 out of 10 Crime Families.
Our Political Platform
These are the ideas that we will implement if you, the students elect us into power.
Replace the Board Of Governors with the top heads in each of the most powerful crime families.
We will replace campus security with Mafia thugs.
The Pharmacy building will be torn down, and built in its place a Best Western and crises centre for the sexually frustrated.
Pharmacy students will be relocated to the lacal Shoppers Drug Mart.
The Manitoban will become a cheap knock off of a popular tabloid newspaper.
We will be relocating the Engineering building and replacing it with a state-of-the-art movie theatre, food area, pool hall, and Office Depot.
Engineers will be relocated to the open lot across the river from the Drake Centre.
U.M.S.U. will be leaving C.A.S.A. and putting their money into nuclear weapons.
Robson Hall will be torn down and a new law building will be built 6 feet under ground.
The transit system will be upgraded to a more cost effective system for the students.
We will bring back the Jets.
The Administration building will become the new home of U.M.S.U.
Macs will be given to the Salvation Army and be replaced with state-of-the-art PCs.
The Information Centre will be replaced by a drive-in Subway.
The bookstore will be replaced by a house of ill repute.
Cheap beer will be found in the Aggie Lounge.
A tunnel will be built from U Lot to the rest of the campus.
The resident buildings on campus will be upgraded, and food services will be replaced by frozen hospital food.
Increase the speed limit on Chancellor Matheson, and use it as a drag race strip.
Smuggle arms and drugs across the Mexican border.
The Human Ecology building will be destroyed, and replaced by a McDonalds.
Use our Mafia associates to persuade Macleans to make us #1 on the best university to attend list.
Velcro walls will replace the faculty lounges, because too many of the profs. were wandering away.
Find out the truth about how they get the caramilk inside a Caramilk bar.
Machray Hall will be destroyed, and all the Stats students will be sent to work for H&R Block.
Science lounge will require students outside of the faculty to ge a membership.
All Arts students will be guaranteed a job at McDonalds.
The Alumni House will become our new Mafia run casino.
The Wallace building floor plan will be sold to Nintendo for their next game in the Super Mario Bros. series.
Allow the Hells Angels to set up a Manitoba Chapter on campus.
"University Grind" will be replaced by new "Hooters" restaurant
All Home Ec. students will be given the following placements based on field:
Clothing textiles: will work for Value Village.
Nutrition: will be sent to work at Foody Goody.
Family studies: will become T.A.'s in the Faculty of Arts.
Water fountains in the Aggie building will replaced with Booze.
The Loonie lot will be a lot for Psychology students only.
There will be no more Oral exams in the Department of Political Sciences.
The Management building will be relocated and in its place we will create a new hockey arena for the Jets.
Management students will be placed at 1 of 3 possible jobs:
Used Car Sales Man.
Door to Door Insurance Sales Man.
T.V. Evangelist.
The school of art replaced by a new Betty Ford clinic.
The Students of the school of art will be placed in University day care where they can work on there skills.
We will threaten separation to annoy the rest of Canada.
A Little About Ourselves
Bryan "Pinky" Douglas (President)
I was born into a poor family in Europe, when I turned 18, I became a low budget male actor in Icelandic porn movies. My stage name was Bjorni. After the long hours and my fight with impotence, I decided to try my luck in the land of the free. So I moved to the United States and got my name change to it's american form which is Duce Bigalow. I worked as a pool cleaner till I landed the job as a Male Gigalow. That is all I can say I do not want to give my movie away. After a few years of this I was given an offer to work with the Clinton government as a Intern. I am not allowed to disclose details, but it was a sweet job till Monica Lewinsky blew me out of the water and I finally ended up taking a pay out.
Adam "Brain" Maxwell:
I was Jalathava Alathava Jr. a great a power in the Coumbian Drug Trade, But since the investigation into my illegal arms, tax evasion, smuggling trade and jay walking. I had to go underground to cover my tracks. I became Gerry Koss a door to door Ginzu knife salesman. I worked the mid-west and was doing quite well till I sold Lorrina Bobbit a set of Ginzu knifes. I lost a chunk of cash due to this and the police where on to me. After avoiding the F.B.I. I ended up getting a job as a postal worker in the remote North west Territoy community of Alert. I worked under the name of James Dutch. I left under a cloud of Conterversy due to the fact that I held 4 polar bears and one seal hostage till the postal service met my demands. To this day I have told no one what my demands were.
The Mice of Y2K Present:
"What the Masses have to say"
Brain - It's because you are a spazzy bettle headed doofus with the intelligence of a mule hoof that I have yet to conqure the world.
Pinky - NARF!
Bill Clinton - Bryan is a bit of a Tight a**, but he is a great guy. I am behind him all the way.
Jean Cretien -Okeys wells ase youes nose Eyes ames the Poopoolur Prime Ministers and I'mes a bigs Suppers of this Parties. I wants to Sees all the Stupids to goes out to veto them into chowder.
Fat Tony (Springfield Mafia)It is a pleasure to be associated with these guys. Now where is the money. No money! Legs, Louie advance on them.
